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Tingles in a Silly Place

 


Let's get one thing out of the way. I am in an open marriage.  If that makes you uncomfortable, just close the browser and move on. 

Our marriage is solid, it is beautiful, it is sacred.  In an open marriage the trust that you have for the other person is more present, more intense, more necessary. 

We weren't always open.  For more than 20 years we were monogamous.  Now we choose ENM and later we may choose differently but in no way are we unfaithful or disloyal to one another.  

Now that that is out of the way let's talk about tingles in a silly place. 

This is something I have come to love and crave.  There is something delicious about being seen by another man.  My husband already knows every single part of my body.  He loves everything he sees and feels and experiences.  He loves me on my good days and on my bad days. 

Being seen by someone else lights me up in all the new and exciting ways and it makes me tingle in silly places. 

Lately, I have been talking to an old friend.  He is much rougher in the way he talks to me than my husband ever would be. I don't want my husband to ever speak to me that way.  That would for sure hurt my feelings but THIS guy... this guy calls me whore and I like it.  This guy makes me feel like the biggest slut on the planet. When I talk to him, I feel desired just for sex. I feel like I am a succubus. 

I don't know why the desire to be desired is so intense for me in this moment but what I do know is that it sends me right back into my husbands arms to be taken and then protected.  

It is creating is a happy, very fucked woman that has a huge appetite for sex even in the midst of perimenopause that so often shuts women down at this age.  

What this is teaching me is that sexiness is a choice.  The power dynamic does wonders for my ego and self-esteem.  Even when my body isn't the most beautiful it has ever been and perimenopause is doing its best to tear me down, when I choose to be sexy and exert my power in fun flirty ways, my libido increases and makes me feel more alive than I have ever felt before.  

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